The Broad is Back!

August 16, 2014

Gearing Up

Filed under: ex-pats,New Broads — by maggiec @ 3:08 pm
Tags: , , ,

Well, I leave tomorrow.  My bags are packed, waiting for the trip to the airport. It’s the same two I returned to America with seven years ago. They weren’t new then, and if they could talk, they could tell a million stories, those bags. They need replacing, but I’m reluctant to lose my faithful traveling companions. Trying to cram as much as possible into them this morning brought back memories. At the end, that’s what we have. That’s what we are, I think, our memories.

I’m realizing that the leaving this time is much harder than it was when I left America the first time in ’95. Then I was taking my son. Now I have to leave him behind. He’s a grown man now, but he’s still my favorite person on earth. I’m going to miss him.

I will be missing the rest of my family, as well. No one is getting younger, and I’d like to be here to enjoy this time.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m looking forward to the adventure. I always love a good adventure, me. I just wish I didn’t feel as if this was not a choice.  It is, of course. I could stay and adjunct, keep looking for work in the US, but the decision is made. This will be amazing, I know. But right now, with less than a day left before I’m out of America, it’s the heart tugging part,

Saying good bye is hard.Or maybe it’s just a little harder as we get older. Young people don’t worry about endings as much, or at least I didn’t. Who will not be here when I return? Morbid thoughts, perhaps, but I know from hard experience, not being here when someone passes is the hardest part of being away.

Missing good times is a bummer, but missing the hard times is heart breaking. Perhaps this is a bit elegiac in tone, but I think that’s why this goodbye is harder. I see things differently than I did when I was 34 and leaving. I’m 53. Still young (at heart) but over the hill of middle, I think.

 

 

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